Dear Amanda, Please come back.

Even though Pearl Street yet again gets a bad rap via Twitter, it could have been worse. It didn't seem to effect the show, so hopefully she comes back, or I'm going to have to start driving to more of her shows.

Great show buzz. I'm exhausted but insanely happy right now. Amanda Palmer delivers live, let me tell you. Just this afternoon I was talking with Brendan about how my favorite artists are the ones that get down in the pit with fans. The ones that make you feel like you are hanging out with a bunch of friends at a party and you have known each other for years. Low and behold, there is Nervous Cabaret and Amanda parading through the fans to the stage to kick off the show.

I always think about how emotionally draining touring must be for artists when you are pouring your guts out on stage every night. Amanda did it beautifully. She delivered with energy, creativity and love for her fans. She has this way of balancing her creative expression - singing what she wants to sing, and pleasing the fans - playing what they want to hear. She played some Dresden Dolls songs, some solo songs, and her backup band - Nervous Cabaret was a perfect match. They reminded me of Primate Fiasco but with less horns and more Gogol Bordello. For some reason I thought they were french, I was totally wrong, they are from Brooklyn, of course. Maybe it was the lead singer's rocking pirate facial hair.

Tonite was the cherry on top of this excellent birthday week. I was kind of anxious about turning 25 (I'm older than I've ever been and now I'm even older, and now I'm even older...) not because I think it sucks, or I feel old or any of that. I can't put my finger on it, its just this feeling that time keeps speeding up. Days go by faster and faster and I've been working and stressed and trying to figure things out so much that I forget to enjoy myself. i focus on all of these things that I don't like, things that bother me, and I let getting forced off a sidewalk by a stroller ruin my day. This brings me back to Amanda. She uses all of her creative endevours to talk about and process the good and the bad, and make it a great time. A roomful of strangers that she brought together to snap, clap and sing along (80% of the audience knew every single word to every song). After it was all done, she runs out and sits down to sign something for each fan.

The other part of why tonite was epic was the fact that her hubby Neil Gaiman was there. Who is Neil Gaiman you ask? Just one of the my favorite fantasy writers of all time. Power Goth couple, totally in love with each other = amazing. Also - interesting factoid - He is also a Scorpio - Birthday = Nov. 10th. I just love it when things/people I like intersect in some way. It helps me believe in something bigger than myself.

I'm not usually one for getting things signed, I'd rather just a hand shake, but tonite I had amanda sign my new hoodie (same design as tee but in hoodie form) and I had Neil sign a hellblazer comic he wrote. It was a good idea I decided not to drink at the show, cuz I focused on the tour mgr, and made my way over so I was second in line for the signing (which was huge since there were about 300 people waiting to get things signed.)

I just realized I've been writing for an hour and I am now exhausted. Time for sweatpants and DS9 and my first full weekend off.

My Free Will Astrology Today. Awesome.

A 13-year-old girl shocked everyone by winning a plowing contest in England. Driving a 12,000-pound tractor and pulling a five-furrow plow, Elly Deacon did a better job than all of the middle-aged male farmers she was competing against. What's more remarkable is that she was a newcomer, having had less than a week's experience in the fine art of tilling the soil with a giant machine. She's your role model for the coming week, Scorpio. Like her, you have the potential to perform wonders, even if you're a rookie, as you prepare a circumscribed area for future growth.

Things just happen. You either give up or keep going.

I love quiet, rainy mornings with nowhere to be. I have a hard time simply relaxing most of the time. I constantly have a project I am working on, something to keep my hands busy. I've been trying to force myself to sit down and watch a movie more (for Louie's sake, it drives him nuts when I bustle about). He's right though, you can't fully appreciate a good film if you are multitasking.

I just finished watching Five Senses. Many individual stories that all intersect in profound ways. It takes alot of skill to shape many stories within a story, and do it well. Each of the characters' are effected by a specific sense. An Eye doctor that is losing his hearing, A cake decorator who makes beautiful but ill-tasting cakes in love with an gorgeous Italian man who speaks no english, a misfit teenage girl who finds a kindred spirit while spying on people going at it in the park, I won't give away the rest, but you get the idea.

Beautifully filmed, I got swept up into each scene. The surges of opera music, the emotional tension in the silent moments, it was exactly the kind of film I needed to watch. Emotionally islolated people going about their lives, searching for meaning, are coaxed into feeling something real and intense. The acting was fantastic - some of my favorites: Molly Parker and Mary-Louise Parker (even Mr Brendan Fletcher from CSI, Tideland!).

Something Molly Parker's character said just stuck out at me, "Things just happen. You either give up or keep going."

Life has been really stressful. Sometimes it's really easy to forget to relax and have fun. Stress builds up, you put off life - "I'll deal with it later". Than it reaches critical mass and you explode. You always have a choice though. Making the choice to keep on going, and make things better, and focus on the days that are wonderful. It's really important to make time to connect with the other people in your life because we all need it. We all need connections with each other. It's not good to shut out the world because it stresses you out.

Maybe I shouldn't have turned on the computer

Watched Che parts One and Two the other day. It was a beautiful and disturbing peek inside Che's world. It makes me wonder how accurate it is factually speaking. The acting is fantastic, story, writing, cinematography all excellent. They took some fairly boring action scenes, like people shaking hands, and made them interesting, and important. You see this person come forward out of the background of the film (Louie pointed out) to become the protagonist and you're there with him.

You can almost smell the constant cigar smoke.

I like that the film simply painted a picture, and didn't try to be something. Boiled down to it's most basic of messages - it was something I needed to hear right now.

Nothing good ever comes easy. The struggle makes you stronger, right? or Maybe it's just what they tell us to make us feel better. Who cares if it's true right? If people do get good things easily, I don't wanna hear about it. I want to to believe that somehow it will all pay off. Someday I will be able to do _________. I can finally ______ all the time, whenever I want. What the ____ is, I'm not quite sure these days. Hard to say when you don't have any solid "this is what I want to be when I grow up" plans. Can't see offspring in my near future considering my extreme selfishness for 'me time' and emotional instabilities currently. I love my boyfriend(he is the absolute definition of my soul mate, I didn't even think that was humanly possible), my cats, my job is stressful, but good. I see my family when I can, and work on art projects when I feel the urge. My short term goals consist of having 2 days off in a row on a regular basis, and trying to interact with people more. Some things could be improved, but I am not miserable. I'm lucky. Yet I feel like I should have some plan, some big goal, and I don't. My biggest plan is to be able to live in a slightly bigger apartment some day, and be in a little less debt.

Maybe it's the times. I just feel like it's impossible to plan ahead, everything is uncertain. We don't face a secured future like people before and we are aware of this. The world seems like it's spiraling into insanity, but maybe it's always been like this. Maybe I am just focusing on all the bad things, when i should be looking to the good and focusing on them. It's just hard to push away all the bad. It's a catch 22. Read the news - everything sucks, depression follows. Don't read the news, don't know what's going on, ignorant bliss until you read the news again, and than it's depression on top of guilt for being ignorant.

Happy things to focus on:
The excellent time we had at the Big E eating food (clam fritters, and kettlecorn and cider, oh my!) and seeing Fredo and Laura who I haven't seen in months.
The beautiful fall weather we've been having.
Halloweeeeeen
Lots of shows in town over the next few months I will venture out of my cave for.

Sorry if my train of thought mess of words didn't make much sense, I'm tired and unfocused, and I feel like my eyes have been looking at a computer screen for a million years.

Queen of Spades

Walking home from work on Friday a playing card blew right in front of me causing me to step on it. No other cards were around. I thought to myself, should I pick it up, or might this be a bad luck scenario that I am not aware of.

It was a Queen of Spades.
What does that mean?

so don't ask me questions, just turn the music up and keep your mouth shut

I'm proud of myself when I make it out of my apartment in any kind of social capacity these days. I've only recently become aware of the fact that I've had social anxiety pretty much my entire life. There was a brief period of time where I went out, alot. I had a few friends, we went out dancing and partying 3 nights or more a week. But that was when I drank heavily & partied & danced like a maniac.

I realize now that when i don't get completely obliterated, you have to interact with people when you go out. I'm finally understanding where my dad was coming from as a kid when he didn't want to go anywhere where large groups of people were. I just find the bar scene stressful and tiring and I don't drink that much anymore.

I used to go to more shows, but even that has become stressful. It's so intertwined with work now that it's sometimes hard for me to step out of 'on the job' and have a good time. I need to get back to shows though, it's why I chose to take the job I did. I love going to see live music and it seems like everything is working against me going these days, or maybe I am just making excuses for being lazy and not wanting to leave my house. There are a whole list of shows that I am looking forward to this fall, so we'll see what happens.

I feel like Northampton has been in a funk all summer. The atmosphere has been odd - weird energy in the air. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's just a combination of the poor economy and slow, rainy summer. The projects I've worked on have felt uninspired, more like busy work just to keep my fidgety hands busy while I listen to Metric or the Knife or watch Star Trek: Next Generation.

I've now lost my train of thought, so I'm going to end for now. Forgive the random blabbing, there was a point to this when I started but the chocolate stout from the Dirty Truth has gotten the best of me, and just made me tired. (how boring. ha)

Something I made + Something I bought + Something I found

I finished my 'Mighty Boosh' themed girlie hoodie. Made from a paint-covered hoodie long sleeve tee that I de-sleeved + a girlie poofy sleeved jersey knit dress I found in a free pile. I am queen of free piles. Some might call me a scavenger (Electrics! Electrics!), I call it free raw materials. I thought it right to immortalize one of the funniest shows Louie has ever turned me on to. I may add something to the front to cover up the paint stains.



Here is one of my latest finds. 'Murder is a Drag' RPG board game complete with audio cassette. Sounds like I might need to have some people over to try it out? Who is down for some clue + crossdressing?

The cutest cocoa powder shaker ever. (plus I love anything french.) It the background you can see my breadbox and new kitchenaide mixer Dad found me at a tag sale (thanks dad!). Dream kitchen here I come, all i need is a slightly bigger space.

Home-made Pizza tonite ! Since there is no more Luna :(

Keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bag, Never expect to be sure

I'm glad it's fall. Cool nights with the windows open, the cool air drifting in has prompted me to take the French Press off the shelf and pull the sweaters out of storage. This also means I'll be baking pretty regularly as well, as you can see by the raspberry/blueberry muffins I made tonight. I get the feeling this blog is going to be "look what I made today" and "here are some things I like"'. Isn't that what every blog is? I mean, I don't want to make claims about what this will and will not be. I like to keep things fresh and not get bored - so I might throw some movies, music and comics in here every once in awhile.

Listening to: Metric "The Police & The Private"

If wellness is this what in hells name is sickness?

So I decided (at Louie's urging) to re-start my blog. Hopefully this incarnation will be a place to bring together all the fragmented pieces of my day to day and give it some kind of cohesion. (& get me to start writing again. It's been too long.) It will not be a place where I am complaining about meaningless bullshit. I am turning over a new leaf. Minimal complaining. No more focusing on what's crappy about life. It's too short and there is lots we simply cannot change.

So, with that said, I've been listening to 'Who Killed Amanda Palmer" near constantly over the past few days. The Videos for this album are excellent. I would post one here for you but blogger is being a pain for me on the laptop I am currently on. Check out her video for 'Leeds United'
the costumes are fabulous! Perhaps it will motivate some of you to buy tickets and come out to her show @ Pearl Street 11/13 with me.