Things just happen. You either give up or keep going.

I love quiet, rainy mornings with nowhere to be. I have a hard time simply relaxing most of the time. I constantly have a project I am working on, something to keep my hands busy. I've been trying to force myself to sit down and watch a movie more (for Louie's sake, it drives him nuts when I bustle about). He's right though, you can't fully appreciate a good film if you are multitasking.

I just finished watching Five Senses. Many individual stories that all intersect in profound ways. It takes alot of skill to shape many stories within a story, and do it well. Each of the characters' are effected by a specific sense. An Eye doctor that is losing his hearing, A cake decorator who makes beautiful but ill-tasting cakes in love with an gorgeous Italian man who speaks no english, a misfit teenage girl who finds a kindred spirit while spying on people going at it in the park, I won't give away the rest, but you get the idea.

Beautifully filmed, I got swept up into each scene. The surges of opera music, the emotional tension in the silent moments, it was exactly the kind of film I needed to watch. Emotionally islolated people going about their lives, searching for meaning, are coaxed into feeling something real and intense. The acting was fantastic - some of my favorites: Molly Parker and Mary-Louise Parker (even Mr Brendan Fletcher from CSI, Tideland!).

Something Molly Parker's character said just stuck out at me, "Things just happen. You either give up or keep going."

Life has been really stressful. Sometimes it's really easy to forget to relax and have fun. Stress builds up, you put off life - "I'll deal with it later". Than it reaches critical mass and you explode. You always have a choice though. Making the choice to keep on going, and make things better, and focus on the days that are wonderful. It's really important to make time to connect with the other people in your life because we all need it. We all need connections with each other. It's not good to shut out the world because it stresses you out.

Maybe I shouldn't have turned on the computer

Watched Che parts One and Two the other day. It was a beautiful and disturbing peek inside Che's world. It makes me wonder how accurate it is factually speaking. The acting is fantastic, story, writing, cinematography all excellent. They took some fairly boring action scenes, like people shaking hands, and made them interesting, and important. You see this person come forward out of the background of the film (Louie pointed out) to become the protagonist and you're there with him.

You can almost smell the constant cigar smoke.

I like that the film simply painted a picture, and didn't try to be something. Boiled down to it's most basic of messages - it was something I needed to hear right now.

Nothing good ever comes easy. The struggle makes you stronger, right? or Maybe it's just what they tell us to make us feel better. Who cares if it's true right? If people do get good things easily, I don't wanna hear about it. I want to to believe that somehow it will all pay off. Someday I will be able to do _________. I can finally ______ all the time, whenever I want. What the ____ is, I'm not quite sure these days. Hard to say when you don't have any solid "this is what I want to be when I grow up" plans. Can't see offspring in my near future considering my extreme selfishness for 'me time' and emotional instabilities currently. I love my boyfriend(he is the absolute definition of my soul mate, I didn't even think that was humanly possible), my cats, my job is stressful, but good. I see my family when I can, and work on art projects when I feel the urge. My short term goals consist of having 2 days off in a row on a regular basis, and trying to interact with people more. Some things could be improved, but I am not miserable. I'm lucky. Yet I feel like I should have some plan, some big goal, and I don't. My biggest plan is to be able to live in a slightly bigger apartment some day, and be in a little less debt.

Maybe it's the times. I just feel like it's impossible to plan ahead, everything is uncertain. We don't face a secured future like people before and we are aware of this. The world seems like it's spiraling into insanity, but maybe it's always been like this. Maybe I am just focusing on all the bad things, when i should be looking to the good and focusing on them. It's just hard to push away all the bad. It's a catch 22. Read the news - everything sucks, depression follows. Don't read the news, don't know what's going on, ignorant bliss until you read the news again, and than it's depression on top of guilt for being ignorant.

Happy things to focus on:
The excellent time we had at the Big E eating food (clam fritters, and kettlecorn and cider, oh my!) and seeing Fredo and Laura who I haven't seen in months.
The beautiful fall weather we've been having.
Halloweeeeeen
Lots of shows in town over the next few months I will venture out of my cave for.

Sorry if my train of thought mess of words didn't make much sense, I'm tired and unfocused, and I feel like my eyes have been looking at a computer screen for a million years.