I have not written in this blog for awhile. Since February. I pulled in from the world. I got busy. There are any number of excuses. Life has been pretty chaotic and I have not really felt like pouring my heart and soul out on the internet. I need to force myself to start writing regularly though. I feel better when I do. I realized this today at work when I noticed a new coping mechanism I have developed. Work has been stressful. I don't know anyone who is not stressed out right now. I've been trying to get better at managing my stress. I'm prone to emotional outbursts. It's just who I am. My chemicals. My Scorpio tendencies. It's who I am but it's not something that I can let get out of control at the wrong moments. So anyway, coping mechanism - writing emails to the person or thing I am angry at or frustrated with & deleting it right after. I got the idea from this show Jeremiah I've been watching (post apocalyptic fun!). In the show, the main character writes letters to his father & burns them.
I'm trying to channel frustration into motivation. Learning to do my best with what I have and let the rest go. I take on problems that are not my own, but I am learning to put them aside and focus on what needs to get done.
I have a problem with focusing on negativity, and all the things that are going wrong that I forget about the things that are going right. I feed my anxiety instead of trying to deal with it and make changes to cope with it better.
The economy is bad. It makes work stressful. All the old rules are out the window and we have to start fresh. People are being forced to change their spending habits and at some point there is going to be a global breaking point. Capitalism cannot continue on the same trajectory it has been on.
Change, adapt, and keep going. No one knows where we're headed, but there are only two options. Keep going, or give up. I choose every day to keep going. I am in a fortunate position, unlike many who are not so lucky. I have a job, I have an apartment, a cat and a wonderful relationship with a person who allows me to be myself completely & whom I love more than anything. My family lives close, I get to see them whenever I want to need to. I have friends are there when I need them. I need to focus on all of these positive things. I need to spend more time on the things that are amazing to give me strength and energy to deal with the rest of it.
My tendency when I get stressed and depressed is to withdraw and shut out the world. To grumble and ignore my feelings, just "trying not to think about it". Avoid. Isolate. Retreat into my safe cave of an apartment and surround myself with Sci Fi TV shows, avoiding any and all interaction, doing craft projects for hours. Some of that is fine. It's what I enjoy, it's who I am. I also need to get out. I need to see my friends, I need to see my family, call my family so they know I am thinking about them, and love them. I can't cut off my connections to the world.
I have a hard time finding a balance. I always have. I know that I need me time. Some alone time every day, every week to just be calm, gather myself. If I miss out on that time I'm a mess. Somehow I need to slowly work in some more people interaction. Slowly. I tried to much to fast a couple months ago and spooked myself into isolation again. I don't know if that made any sense, but I'm glad I wrote in my blog again. It helps me organize my state of mind and guides me toward what I know I need to do next.
Do the best I can, take everything one step at a time, and try to stay positive.
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